Always the first day of school

I had to make myself get out. Go for a walk. Attempt to get out of this spiral depression. Depression is taking hold, wrapping its arms around me. Something that I thought I wanted no longer seems so clear, so right. The phrase "watch what you wish for" now seems to becoming true. Is this really what I wanted? Is this really right for me?

I feel as though every time I get that "call" I am returning to the first day of school. I always hated the first day of school as a matter of fact, the first day of school traumatized me. I always cried. Even when I went to college the first day I cried. I find myself crying now. The unknown, who will be your class mates. What will the teacher be like, mean or nice? Every time I meet the new crew, these are the emotions that are looming. Mean or nice?

What am I doing here? I am crying now.